Friday, April 18, 2008

I am up tooooo late

It is 12:24 right now. I am never ever up this late. I just have a lot on my mind and so here I sit on the Laptop with so much to say and my mind is racing but then when it comes to typing it all out I can never seem to get it all out.
Well here it goes... I have been thinking a lot about Family. I have gone through a lot of stuff with my Dad all my life. I am Happy to say he is slowly getting better. He completed a 28 day program in March. He has been going to meeting, it seems he is doing really good, I just can't help having this looming doubt in the back of my mind that he will relapse. I have been threw this so many times it is sad that I am just waiting for him to not call, not come home, not check in for days.... It really sucks.
This time it feels different, but I have said that before too. I just have to trust in the Lord that he will take care of him. He will provide my Dad with the strength he needs to get threw each day. I know it is a day to day struggle for him. I promised him I would never give up on him. I promised I would love him threw it all. I did tell him that if he ever did relapse our relationship would change. I would no longer accept his phone calls. He would not have a relationship with his four Grandchildren, I would never let him stay with me again. I would never drive him anywhere. Pretty much that I would cut him out of my life. It would kill me, but I have done this for too long and had my Heart Broken to many times. As I sit here right now kinda a little worried cuz he said he would be home at midnight, I have faith he is telling the truth. Then I hear the door open and all the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders. He wanted to hang out with this lady he met in rehab and I told him he had till midnight. Geez do I feel like his mom! Good practice for me since Alexis is going to be dating in about five years. Lol ok I am done. I can go to bed and rest easy! Thank you God for really listening to me and helping me threw this. I do not know what I would do with out the strength you give me.


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